Paranoid Culture

Financial Markets Fallout Radioactive

admin — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:19:54 +0000

The highly toxic and radioactive assets in the latest round from the global stock market chaos has led to a dearth of advice on surviving the fallout. But certain suggestions as how to survive financial ruin come in many different flavors of trepidation and fear. Everything from guns to gold, clean water to diamonds, to buying up everything you can, if you can, during the firesale, leads us to wonder why cant we just start over? Paranoid Culture staff have taken an informal vote, and we beleive that clamshells will become the next currency. There should be enough for every human on the planet to have some money then. And if the clams begin to die off from global warming, why, what could be a better inflationary curb?

Author of Dune: Pre-Apocalyptic Birthday Wishes

admin — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 02:38:43 +0000

It looks like the day of reckoning, also known as the celebration of Frank Herberts Birthday, has arrived. This event should, of course, be highly celebrated. As you will notice, there is now a computer game called “Dune”, but, this is no messy synaptic emoticon feed direct to the mentat: its just some old thing made on boring old computers. So ignore that, and go to the public library.. before they become the private-public library, and read. READ. READ. READ.

Europe and Asian Stocks Plummet

admin — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:59:02 +0000

It looks like even earthquakes in far off Kyrgyzstan were not able to keep the planetary brain off the Almighty Dollar (or Euro, or Yen, or…), and it looks like the crisis may be getting even deeper: the United States Index of Homeless Families who Live in Motels in Massachusetts has increased by nearly 500 families. Think global recession, experience local depression! Also, dont forget, traders, to put your happy face on the overall doom and disaster!

Skype, Bringing Us a Little Closer

admin — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:26:59 +0000

It looks like the china skype surveillance mishap as being reported in the nytimes and elsewhere merely brings all paranoia to full closure: with the recent ebay sale of MI6 cameras with highly classified information, it seems that highly classified information about everything and everyone is just starting to leak at the seams. Time for one of those “I went to Tahiti, and all I got was a lousy transcript of everything I said that started with the offensive sound of “Buhw”, because in the local dialtect, its apparently a very insurrectionist word…” Next time you leave home, dont forget your pocket-censor.

WaMU Seized: Apocalypse at Hand

admin — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:19:32 +0000

The time of reckoning has arrived: Washington Mutual (WaMu) Seized by Feds, Bought by JP Morgan Chase. Apparently, JP Morgan, previously known for snapping up Bear Stearns, has now taken another piece of the american pie. Its also rumored they will be moving their corporate offices to Switzerland if Obama wins the election, out of fear that their gold horde might be threatened by over-regulated, power hungry beurocrats who just want the power of the desk, or the cash-stashed fridge, to rule the power of the gold. We’ll just have to see where the washout ends.

Bad News, in Jest

admin — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:19:24 +0000

It is truly bad news: David Foster Wallace dead of suicide at age 46. GB, RIP, we will all remember the supposedly fun thing to never do again.

Gustav: Destroyer of Culture

admin — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 23:33:15 +0000

People seem to be saying that the GOP is responsible for the doom inflicted on The Big Easy during Hurricane Katrina. And while the editorial stance of ParanoidCulture staff is that Doom itself is completely bipartisan, the timing of Hurricane Gustav does make one wonder, in a swarm-of-locusts, frogs-from-the-sky, Great American Dustbowl kind of superstitious unscientific and thoroughly creationist way, if some other thing is at work here besides wealthy humans isolating themselves from doom. Looking forward, we will be having an upcoming series detailing the survivalist bunkers of some of our nations richest. Hot hot hot! Any suggestions well factoid appreciated.

Madison Ave Attacks The Prisoner

admin — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:30:44 +0000

The Prisoner online game seems to have made its evil debut.. you may remember the original from the tv show or the precursor tv show Danger Man, but who remembers McGoohans words from a 1977 interview:

We’re run by the Pentagon, we’re run by Madison Avenue, we’re run by television, and as long as we accept those things and don’t revolt we’ll have to go along with the stream to the eventual avalanche… As long as we go out and buy stuff, we’re at their mercy.

Regard: “At Their Mercy.” either way, its about surveillance, this evil game thing at seekthesix.com… check it out.

Worry and Doom

admin — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:09:12 +0000

Recent california earthquakes have spread worries about disasters of the plate tectonic variety, but the question remains: fear the land-quake, or fear the sea-quake? Tsunamis or falling cities?

New for Skels: asus 901 eee pc available

admin — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:57:56 +0000

For all you skels, or just plain nomads, looking for portability in the face of the emerging apocalypse, doom, and financial global credit derivatives collapse, the new ASUS Eee PC 901 XP or ASUS Eee PC 901 20G Linux White pc availability bodes nothing but good times on the road. The specifications are a weight of next-to-nothing, so the extra weight of your water purifier wont slow you down too much. Dont forget to add a solar electronics charger, cause its a long way to walk from Los Angeles to Oregon’s remote power supply civilization or the ruined REI coop store (if it hasnt been raided by rabid enviro-tech-hungry Seattleites already) without solitaire.